Ian M Rountree

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The Triangular Social Graph Problem

May 29, 2010 by Ian 1 Comment

The more time I spend networking – on and offline – the more I’m noticing a problem with the basic assumptions some people – including myself – make when looking to build connections. Beyond just who we connect with, there’s a part of the specifuc how that creates issues.

We’re getting worse at introductions, especially self-introduction.

The sheer density of instances where we run into new people online has overtaken realtime introduction so thoroughly that the skills we use are changing in all arenas. When you meet someone new, the practice has been to either be introduced, or to introduce yourself with a 30-second personal sales pitch. Anything to explain who you are, why it’s important you make a connection, and what benefit it might be to the person you’re connecting with.

Now, however, we comment on others’ blogs, reply to them on Twitter, friend them on Facebook out of the blue, and call any reciprocation of these actions a success as an introduction. But we’re wrong in some cases, and unless we learn the cues, we’re going to make idiots of ourselves.

You’re my friend. He’s my friend. He’s not your friend.

It’s easy to forget that many of the most vocal people in a space know each other already. If we miss the key references that tell us that two bloggers – in or out of the same industry – are from the same town, or grew up together, we’re missing out when we see them respond to each other in certain ways on Twitter or in comments. Because of this, even if you know one of these two people, missing the link between your friend and their friends can cause a lot of awkwardness if you approach this third-lever connection from the same angle you approach your own friends.

This, along with a failed introduction practice, can make us come off like idiots.

But now often do we notice, and what affect does our reaction have on our audience when we’re in any of these three positions?

How can we tell when we’re being idiots? Better yet, how can we tell our friends they’re being idiots?

Want an example? Let’s break this down.

We’ll call position one Bill. He’s the popular guy. We’ll call him a marketer. He’s used to audiences.

Position two is Doug. He’s Bill’s friend, perhaps he’s an author. He’s known, for different reasons than Bill is, and is still growing his audience. Hasn’t hit critical mass yet.

Then there’s Steve. He’s the late comer. He’s a marketer like Bill, and has made a connection – maybe a strong one – with Bill. Steve’s a fan of Doug’s work.

Steve makes a joke at Doug’s expense, on the assumption it will go over well, because Bill’s made a similar joke before.

Doug gets pissed. He rants. In public. On Twitter.

Steve’s no longer going to buy Doug’s book. Bill is confused with Doug. Doug is pissed with Bill for not defending him.

Who’s in the right? Is there a right? How can we fix this?

Important questions. I’m glad I’ve never been on any of these three sides – at least not that anyone’s alerted me to. But that can be part of the problem, can’t it? If no one tells anyone they’ve missed a step in the thorough social connection process, those connections can’t be treated like real friendships can.

They remain part of a graph. Inanimate, data-driven, and short lived.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: commentary, connections, idiots, internet, learning, social graphs

Privacy, Courage and Anonymity

December 15, 2009 by Ian 1 Comment

photo by Joe Shlabotnik
photo by Joe Shlabotnik

When all reasonable expectation is removed from a prospect, behaving as if the expectation still existed is madness.

There’s a fundamental difference between privacy and lack of disclosure I think people need to get their heads around. Privacy intimates that the things you don’t want found, don’t get found. Or, if someone intentionally finds them out, that you have some form of recourse appropriate to their improper disclosure. Perfect example of this: Tiger Woods. It’s unfortunate that he felt he could send text messages to his mistresses over the years, because he was placing proof of his actions in their hands, and in the hands of his cellular service providers. That’s not breach of privacy, that’s disclosure. On the flip side, go ahead and try to figure out whether I like jam or peanut butter on my toast. If I don’t tell you, you won’t; that’s not privacy, that’s lack of disclosure.

If we neglect to send drunken college photos of ourselves to Facebook, are we protecting our privacy? Yes. But what about uploading the photos and then jacking up the privacy so high that your friends can barely find the pictures? Are you protecting your privacy then?

No. You’re being an idiot.

Not following me? Let me paint this another way. Let’s say you’re a big fan of downloading content. You BitTorrent every new movie as it comes out, every album, everything. You get so prolific with this, so involved in the community that you sign up for accounts with Demonoid and everyone else you can think of and go from being a participant to being a provider. You’re smart – you colocate on a server slice using proxies, never use your own name in context with your filesharing. But still, you do this, and you get sued into oblivion by the RIAA or somesuch. Did anonymity help you protect your privacy? Not a chance. Anonymity is useless online. Your actions as a net become visible by their nature as protected. It’s like a permanent Streisand Effect; you’re asking for exposure. Are you protecting your privacy by being anonymous? Maybe for a while, but the tools available mean this tactic is only as effective as your actions are ignorable. As soon as you breach the invisible line of big-fish-ness, you’re screwed.

And if you’re on the exposing side? Are you doing the courageous thing by outing those who have been stupid enough to lay themselves partially bare out of ignorance? Well, not likely. If it’s your job, there’s no courage involved here. If not, you’re just a bully. Granted, some people deserve it (read as, people who don’t even try to click the privacy boxes). But don’t confuse cutting insight with courage. Sharing your opinion is so possible it’s nearly mandatory at this point, so get the legs out from under your high horse and make sure what you’re doing is of real utility to people before you worry about how brave you are.

So why network at all, you ask? Because you get to meet new people. You expand your influence and business potential. You make more money, know more about everything, and expose yourself to varied input, thus becoming a bigger person than you could otherwise. We’re not yet in a space where shyness is punished, but it’s coming, trust me.

At the end of the day, you can’t rely on privacy policies, because those can chance without notice. You also can’t rely on your cloak and dagger anonymity, because tools exist that demolish this with rigid celerity. Instead, if you don’t want it repeated, don’t say it in the first place.

Filed Under: Blog Tagged With: anonymity, courage, Facebook, idiots, policy, privcy

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